Whirlwind of Emotions.

So much going on in my preoccupied brain and so much affecting my little itty bitty amygdala…

- My sister’s wedding was nothing short of incredible, but it was way to fast to fully absorb. To think that we are all growing up and taking on new paths is surreal, and somewhat scary. It felt like just yesterday that my sister was taking care of me, raising me, yelling at me, playing with me, hanging with me on days off from school. We have witnessed our little Mari in a completely new light. A mature Mari, ready to step into adulthood (although she definitely already has), toward her own future, her own family. Although no longer a Kimura, I hope she doesn’t stray far from all of us. This landmark event brought unexpected tears to my eyes, for I am happy that she is happy. So amazing.

- The day before the big wedding, we all went to a big pre-game luau. So wonderful! Such amazing people gathering to eat, talk story, drink, etc. But it was crazy that my grandpa was not there, and has not been here for some time. Taking a family shot for him was hard, for he was not there and would have made the whole party complete. My grandma even sipped on vodka for him. Things are changing so quickly. We’re getting older, people are leaving. I’m not trying to be a debbie down, I’m just saying. His tragic, yet imminent passing this year paired with my sister’s exciting, beautiful, and honest perfect Maui sunset wedding, together leaves me distraught with a complexity of emotions, leaving me of course in my liminal space…floating in all different directions, stability no longer an option. I feel like this is what life is…the comfort of home and childhood is long gone, but I can’t help but wonder…is it really? 

- I don’t know why I am putting this on el Tumblr. It’s quite stupid actually because I don’t really like the pervasiveness of social media and technology in everyday existence (like Instagram is starting to make me not be in the present…as with cameras and “preserving the present” when really I should just be in the present). 

- Finals are STILL here. STILL hafta write 6 more pages of my ginormous thesis paper. Part of me wants to execute this well and without flaws, but the other half clearly doesn’t give a fuck as I just want to live in nature and the paradise that I have found myself in. I want to enjoy every second.

- The Connecticut shooting hit me hard. Crazy to believe this is the world. Crazy to believe parents found out their child was shot dead in a pool of innocent blood. Hard to fathom the gruesome effects of murder and death on these poor young kids, who should still be bright with positivity, as they carry the future with them to make progressive change.